At the beginning of this sobriety journey, you may feel like everything sucks and wondering why you're putting yourself through this torture of having to feel it all with no relief. And I understand I've been there too.
But no matter how much it sucks, there's always a silver lining. Even if it's just a tiny sliver of good, that's what you hold on to. Like...
Enjoying a cup of coffee before the kids wake up instead of waiting until the last minute to get up because you're tired and hungover.
Playing a board game with your kids and actually being present instead of worrying about when you can have your glass of wine.
Being able to be there for your kids in the middle of the night when they're sick.
Knowing that you're giving your body the love it deserves by not ingesting a poison.
Not adding more anxiety to your everyday life.
Washing your face before bed.
There are SO many silver linings of sobriety. All you have to do at the beginning is be willing to see just one. That's it. One...
So many of us (myself included back in the day) didn't think we had a problem with alcohol. Thoughts of...
"I enjoy a glass of wine here or there, but I can go without it."
"Yes, I may drink a little more on the weekends, but I'm winding down from a stressful week. No big deal."
"Having a whole bottle of wine in one night is totally fine and normal."
"I got too drunk because I "forgot" to eat."
The list could go on and on with the excuses we give ourselves that we don't have a problem, but I think a good gauge is trying to take a break for 30 days. Of course, you're not going to break a habit and reap all the rewards of being alcohol-free in just 30 days, but this is a great starting point to assess your relationship with alcohol.
"Maybe you're thinking this is a piece of cake. Of course, I can go without alcohol for 30 days. I'm not dependent on it." Then the weekend rolls around, and you're pacing around, irritable, and all you want is a glass of wine to unwind. There's your clue...
You don't have to hit rock bottom to change your relationship with alcohol. That's an old belief that people need to lose everything before they finally quit for good and realize that they have a problem.
That notion will have you stuck in this cycle longer than need be and, in the long run, worse off. We all have different journeys and wake-up calls.
My wake-up call was the day I walked into detox, but for 3 years, I let myself get to that point. Going back and forth with a few weeks or a month of sobriety and then back to drinking. And the cycle repeated, and each time it led me down a darker path quicker than it did the previous time.
My wake-up call was detox, and I'd recommend stopping before using that as yours. These are still wake-up calls too.
Not remembering how you got to bed the night before.
Driving under the influence.
Sending text messages that you regret the next day.
Being controlled by your 5 pm on the dot glass of wine.
Having your kids tell you your favorite drink is...
Oh damn. I heard this on a recent podcast episode of Straight Up with @trentshelton, and it stopped me in my tracks.
Sidenote - his podcast has become one of my favs, and I've binged like 10 episodes in the past two days. So if you, like me, like a little kick in the ass with some truth bombs, then he's your guy!
Back to why this quote is so powerful. He's right. You CAN'T heal until you bring forth what you've been suppressing and hiding for so long. If you keep stuffing it down with booze, then you're never going to be able to take a look at what the real issues are. You're never going to get out of this drinking cycle because you're just removing the alcohol. You're not taking a deeper look at why you chose alcohol in the first place.
This is why most people who use willpower or "white-knuckling" as their long-term approach will most likely go back to alcohol because our will eventually runs out. There's only so much our brains can take, and something may set you off - a bad...
I AM the coach who will help you push past your limiting beliefs.
I AM the coach who will listen to you cry, be angry, and when you say, "this sucks," I'll say I understand, but I won't let you give up.
I AM NOT the coach who will let you off the ride because it's getting too hard.
I AM NOT the coach who is full of fluff.
Why am I saying this? Repeated signs from the Universe in the last 24 hours that I need to say what kind of coach I am. I had a potential 1:1 client tell me yesterday that she appreciated my "tough love" approach. Do not get me wrong; I am not a b*tch. If you slip up on this journey, then I want you to learn the lesson, and I don't want you to beat yourself up because that makes it ten times worse, but I also want you to hold yourself accountable.
I'm here to help you find that balance between grace and accountability.
I'm here to help you break the drinking cycle that you've tried on your own time and time again, and it hasn't worked.
I'm here to get you out of your...
I "have" to drink because I'm going out to dinner with my friends.
I "have" to drink because I can't turn down a drink from my mother-in-law.
I "have" to drink because insert any excuse you've given yourself.
Mamas, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, and that includes drinking. You don't HAVE to drink; you WANT to drink, and I'm not saying that means you're a bad person at all, but I am saying that you need to be real with yourself.
Stop with the excuses. Stop lying to yourself. You can simply say, No thanks. I'm not drinking. Boom. That's it. And if they still push (which 99% of the time), they won't then repeat, No, I'm good. If you're serious about not drinking, then you'll stick to your commitment.
What it comes down to is fear. Fear of judgment. Fear of rejection. You're scared to say no or tell people you're taking a break because of what they may think of you. And that's totally normal to feel that way. But newsflash, if your "friend" is judging you for not...
What it comes down to is we only have one life. Are you going to spend it constantly running, escaping, and numbing out? Or are you going to appreciate that negative experiences are just part of life because we can't appreciate the good without the bad. We don't know what joy is until we've experienced pain. We don't know happiness until we've experienced sadness.
Don't spend your time here thinking about drinking, drinking, or regretting you drank just because you don't want to deal with life. Your one life is precious, and so is the time with your kids.
Imagine how much time and mental energy you are wasting. Imagine what you could be doing with that time. Imagine the moments you're missing out on because you're more concerned about escaping rather than dealing with it head-on and then moving on.
Don't waste any more time on a substance that doesn't add value to your life. You deserve so much more than the regret, mom guilt, and anxiety that's waiting for you at the bottom of the...
So Diet Coke and I broke up. I was getting my massage last month, and surprisingly the massage therapist was sober too. Crazy how the world brings people into our lives that we need to learn from. When we're open and confident about our decision not to drink, then we'll attract those same types of people into our lives. But that's a topic for a different day.
Back to my story. I've always loved Diet Coke. I didn't' think it was that big of a deal because it has zero calories, and it's not going to kill me. Well, she told me some stories, and they're all stories I've heard before, so I knew it was time. Diet Coke and I are taking a break for good.
Why am I telling you this? I know that breaking any bad habit can be hard initially, but since I've been sober for over four years now, I forgot what it's like to take away your crutch. My mind doesn't go to alcohol anymore. I've broken that connection and have made a new neural pathway in my brain. But that Diet Coke...
The 20 question "Am I An Alcoholic?" survey is a waste of time. If you're questioning your drinking to where you want to take a survey, then it's already enough of a problem to stop.
How many of you have googled, "am I an alcoholic" after another drinking disaster? I hear it all the time. And what I want you to know is that if you're questioning your relationship to alcohol to where you have to take a survey, then that's the only validation you need to know that alcohol is negatively impacting your life. Also, you don't have to label yourself as an alcoholic to stop drinking.
People who don't have a drinking problem aren't googling if they have a drinking problem, right?
If you're going to take a survey, then obviously, there have been MANY incidents where you feel that alcohol has negatively impacted your life or you have had consequences as a result of drinking too much. As a culture, we see binge drinking or the mishaps of our drinking as funny sometimes, but it's not funny at...
This alcohol-free journey can be a lonely road, but I promise you no matter how alone you think you are, there is someone out there who knows exactly what you're going through.
The whole reason why I created Sober Mom Tribe (@sobermomtribe) in the first place was to show you that you aren't alone and that there is nothing wrong with you.
When we're in the midst of our drinking and not being able to "control" or stop it, we feel so alone. We think that no one understands. We feel like a bad mom. We feel like a bad person. We just don't know why we keep putting ourselves through the same torture. We already know the outcome, yet we keep doing it.
But I want you to know. It's not you. It's the alcohol. You've been sucked into thinking that alcohol is fun and gives you relief from your problems and makes you relax, but it doesn't. It doesn't at all. And before you realize this, you've become entrapped into a vicious drinking cycle that is hard to get out of. And it's tough to get out of...
Have you been trying to get out of the toxic drinking cycle, but then after 4 or 5 days, you say, "screw it!"?
Download these 4 simple tips on how to conquer that wine witch once and for all, so you can actually ENJOY an alcohol-free life.