Why I believe setting an intention is better than a resolution

According to the dictionary, an intention is a thing intended; an aim, or a plan. Compare that to a resolution, which is a firm decision to do or not to do something.

You can see a resolution is more rigid, which can lead to that all or nothing mentality that many of us, especially those who struggle with substances, already have. So that thinking of...

"oh well, I slipped up, so I might as well drink the rest of the week or the month."
"I failed, so I might as well wait until 2022."

All these statements are allowing you the easy way out and a way to give up. Part of this is because when we set resolutions that are well-intended to improve our lives, we don't have a plan. Intentions involve planning. So let's take alcohol, for instance. Maybe you say you want to do #dryjanuary. That's all well-intended, but do you have a plan of how you're going to do it?

So often, we say I'm not going to drink, but there are no action...

You know you don't have to wait until January 1st to quit drinking, right?

Why do we keep waiting for the "perfect" time?

The beginning of the year.
The beginning of the month.
The beginning of the week.

In reality, the day that you decide to stop drinking DOES NOT matter. Maybe it's a psychological aspect to be lumped together with all the New Year's Revolutioners. Feeling like you have to do something worthwhile because everyone else around you is making their resolutions.

I hate to break it to you, but resolutions are pointless. Absolutely pointless. I've broken them. You've broken them, and pretty much every person on this planet has broken them.

Why does this happen? Because your motivation wanes and your willpower decreases, you're back to your same old patterns by February. Unless you actually COMMIT and surround yourself with others who are on a similar path to hold you accountable and you don't just white knuckle your way through. You actually learn tools you can use and...

Sobriety opened my eyes to all the things I was numbing out for so long. I finally took a long hard look at myself and the role I played in my addiction. I took responsibility for my actions and accepted that not everyone was out to get me.

I had to put the mirror in front of my face and acknowledge that I, too, had things I had to work through. I was no longer trapped in an alcohol-induced haze and going through the daily motions to get by. I became aware of my thoughts, and that right, there is the first step to behavior change and getting out of the toxic habits. Habits such as negative self-talk, people-pleasing, and running away from my issues instead of facing them head-on. That doesn't mean that I don't have these thoughts still. It just means I know to cut them off and reframe them.

This phrase also has another meaning for me. It means questioning the things and systems around us. For example, how Big Alcohol markets to mothers and how they use the stress of motherhood to...

Happy Winter Solstice!

For those of us who use alcohol to cope, we are hiding our darkness.

Why do we spend so much time suppressing and hiding our darkness? Because when negative emotions come up, they're inconvenient, uncomfortable, or worse, we make ourselves wrong for feeling them.

When we fear our own darkness, we cut ourselves off from an essential source of our own personal power. The key is not to let the darkness overwhelm our lives and our thoughts but to understand that darkness can be one of the greatest catalysts for personal growth and transformation.

2020 may have brought up a lot of darkness for all of us, but there is no light without the darkness. There are lessons to be learned from 2020. And one of those lessons is you are stronger than you realize. Stronger than you may give yourself credit for. You made it through a traumatic year. You're still here breathing, and that's what matters.

What have you learned from 2020?
What is something you want to let go of...

I know you're scared. But what's scarier? Ditching alcohol and ending up with the rewards of not drinking ethanol, or continuing to wake up hungover, not being there for your kids, and living with regret?

I know the answer, but it's on YOU to choose what you want more.

And if you're sitting there telling yourself that you'll just cut back after you've tried time and time again to do that with no success, then stop kidding yourself. The chances of that happening are slim to none. But the better question is, why would you want to?

Why would you want to go back to a substance that does nothing for you? Literally nothing. Maybe it gives you comfort because that's how you used to get through uncomfortable situations or emotions in the past but is that enough to keep going back to a substance that is slowly hurting you physically and emotionally?

And if you've been trying to cut back or eliminate alcohol with no success by doing it alone, then that's your first sign that you can't do this...

Are you going to keep following the crowd, or are you ready to listen to what you know is slowly killing your soul?

Stop resisting what you already know, and do something about it! The 60 Day Alcohol-Free Challenge is a great way to actually show yourself that an alcohol-free life is way better than drinking the one life we have away.

Give yourself a chance to see for yourself how strong and capable you truly are.

Give yourself a chance to see what you're truly passionate about.

Give yourself a chance to find the pure joy in life. Not the fake joy that comes from a bottle.

Give yourself a chance at a longer and healthier life not only for you but for your kids.

One day alcohol will catch up to you, and you'll see the damage it's done - to your physical health, your mental health, and your relationships with your kids.

Most importantly, don't you want to do something with this one life we get. What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? A legacy that involves drinking? Or a...

First, I drank because I wanted to be a rebel. Later, I drank because it let me loosen up at parties. Then I drank to relax. Lastly, I drank because if I didn't, I felt I would die.

This progression didn't happen overnight. It happened over a DECADE. I remember having my first sip of alcohol and absolutely hating the taste, but sneaking it from my parent's liquor cabinet was a high in itself. Then as time moved on and I went to college, I felt the freedom to do whatever I wanted without my parents having me on a short leash and continuing with that rebel streak and newfound freedom.

I binge drank like most of us. Crazy how we think binge drinking in college is "normal"? Why do we think like that? Because that's what has always been a passage into college and to get the partying out before you get a real job? Who knows.

Then I got a "big girl job" and drank at happy hours or a glass of wine after a day to unwind.

Then in motherhood, I drank because of the overwhelm, and everyone else...

Maybe you're testing the waters; you go a week without drinking but then end up back in the same cycle.

Maybe you complete a 30 Day Alcohol-Free Challenge, but after you celebrate by opening your favorite bottle of red, and then go straight back to the same old habits.

Maybe you've been wishy-washy and contemplating whether you should do this or not. You keep going back and forth if it's worth it, or your fear of failure says no way. I'm not going even to try because I won't be able to do it.

If you're a toe dipper, that means you're not FULLY committing. What's the point of doing something without having your whole heart and soul into it. FULLY committing to changing your habits.

As we know, it is not easy or quick to unlearn a habit you've relied on for a decade or more. But when you decide to fully commit 100%, that is when you will see success. Will success happen right away? No. The Universe likes to test you to see how bad you really want it. It will throw lessons your way to...

Instead of asking yourself whether your drinking isn't as bad as other people's or you aren't drinking in the morning, you should be asking yourself whether alcohol is having a negative impact on your life.

Instead of comparing how much you drink to someone else or the fact that you don't drink in the morning, you should be asking yourself whether alcohol is having a negative impact on your life.

There are many types of problem drinkers, and comparing yourself to others doesn't do you any favors. When asking how much alcohol is too much, the most important consideration should be how alcohol affects your life.

I know most of us have been conditioned to believe that unless you drink out of a brown paper bag or start drinking as soon as you wake up in the morning, you don't have a problem with alcohol. The thing is, we shouldn't be comparing our journey to anyone else's or what society perceives as having an alcohol problem. If you feel that alcohol is having a negative impact on your...

Your kids don't want a perfect mom.

They want a mom who loves herself enough to know that drinking isn't the way to get through life.

What is a perfect mom anyway?

The mom who has a clean house, Pinterest worthy crafts, matching holiday outfits, and homemade nutritious meals on the table every night.

No, no, no. I know that society has conditioned us to believe that to be a "perfect mom," you must do all of the above. That's nonsense. First of all, there is no such thing as perfect because we all see life through a different lens, so what one person sees as perfect isn't the same as someone else's definition.

Second, do you think your kids care about all that? Absolutely not. They want a mom who isn't stressed out every single second of the day. A mom that is there for them when they need a listening ear. A mom who can heal herself so that she doesn't pass her own issues onto them. A mom who sets an example of how to get through hard times. That includes not drinking a toxic...