Your kids don't want a perfect mom.

They want a mom who loves herself enough to know that drinking isn't the way to get through life.

What is a perfect mom anyway?

The mom who has a clean house, Pinterest worthy crafts, matching holiday outfits, and homemade nutritious meals on the table every night.

No, no, no. I know that society has conditioned us to believe that to be a "perfect mom," you must do all of the above. That's nonsense. First of all, there is no such thing as perfect because we all see life through a different lens, so what one person sees as perfect isn't the same as someone else's definition.

Second, do you think your kids care about all that? Absolutely not. They want a mom who isn't stressed out every single second of the day. A mom that is there for them when they need a listening ear. A mom who can heal herself so that she doesn't pass her own issues onto them. A mom who sets an example of how to get through hard times. That includes not drinking a toxic...

Stop romanticizing the bottle. 

One of the key pieces to the puzzle is to stop putting alcohol on a pedestal. Start seeing it for what he truly is, instead of what marketing portrays it to be. 

What is alcohol really? I'll tell you.

A cancer-causing carcinogen

A depressant 

Increases anxiety

Disrupts your REM sleep

Ethanol (yes, gasoline)

Did you know?

Alcohol is the third leading preventable cause of death in the United States.

Every 50 minutes, a person dies because of driving under the influence of alcohol.

There is nothing to romanticize about a poison that can kill you. Sure, a glass of wine here and there will not kill you, but you know if you're on this page, that isn't you. Add the emotional rollercoaster you feel after you've drank when you told yourself you wouldn't, and that's the icing on the cake. 

It's time to start looking at alcohol as something that doesn't give but only takes. It takes our sanity, our health, and ultimately our soul. 

Are...

Drinking alcohol is an easy way to cope until it isn't anymore.

Yes, when we want a quick fix, alcohol seems to be the answer because it’s easy. We can just grab a glass of wine or a beer from the fridge, and from the moment it hits our lips, we already feel the sense of relief without it even in our bloodstream yet.

Have to make dinner with screaming children in the background? Grab a glass of wine.

Been with the kids all day and helping them with distance learning? Grab a glass of wine.

I know that we've all done this at one point or another and fed into the lies that Big Alcohol wants to sell us on, but turning to alcohol to cope just because it's the easy way doesn't make it the right way.

It’s easy because you let it become a habit, so of course, your brain is going to automatically go to wine to relieve whatever you’re trying to escape from. But the deeper you get into that cycle, the harder it is to get out, just like any other habit. When you’ve had...

Mommy doesn't need wine.
Mommy just needs a break.

Back in my drinking days, I thought wine was the answer to my stress, to my overwhelm, to my anxiety, and to being the "perfect" mom.

Boy, was I wrong. The answer was I needed a break! I couldn't keep doing it all on my own, and I was scared to ask for help. I didn't want anyone to think I was weak and couldn't handle the "situation" I put myself in. That situation being a single mom, and as I'm typing this, I realize I wasn't the only one who put me in that situation. It takes two to make a baby, right? Anyway, I digress, and that topic is for another day.

I was bombarded by advertising, mommy wine memes, and society telling me just to have a glass of wine to take the edge off the stresses of everyday life. I wish I hadn't followed the crowd, and now I truly believe that when you're following the crowd, you lose yourself, which when I got sober, I started to look at a lot of things differently. I started to question other things...

Once upon a time, there was a girl from a small town in Connecticut who felt she was never good enough.

Not pretty enough.
Not athletic enough.
Not outgoing enough.
Not smart enough.

She grew up in a household where "perfection" was expected and led to the small views she had of herself.

She went to college, and started to let herself be free, but not the free you're thinking of. Free of the grips of her mother's hold. Free of the constant criticism. Free of the strict rules.

She drank until she blacked out. Slept with random men, and did not know her worth. She jumped from man to man looking for that love she was missing in childhood.

She got pregnant, and finally knew what love was. Love was putting someone else's needs above your own. The love that only a mother knows. She wondered why her own mother couldn't love her the way that she loved her son.

She made it her mission not to raise her son as her mother had raised her. She did the exact opposite of what her mother did and...

One of my favorite women in this sober community asked me a question last week in my stories. It was pretty profound and made me take a step back, so I told her I would answer it for my 3 year soberversary blog post. Her question was, "How proud of yourself are you that you started such a successful and inspirational place for women to share and bond? How do you go about telling non-sober women what you do when asked?”

On 11/14/16 when I stepped foot into detox I had no idea where I’d be 3 years later. I mean I didn’t even know if this was my “rock bottom”. I had tried to get sober two other times before this and thought I could moderate, and look at where it got me. Would that same mindset lead me to slip up yet again? Not this time my friends. This time was different. The hell of racing thoughts, blurry vision, and wondering if I was going to die from these withdrawals was what I needed to be like, “Alyson cut the shit! Because if you...

Yesterday I had posted on the @sobermomtribe Instagram page about options and how we can’t tell anyone how they SHOULD get and stay sober. We all have a unique journey, past, and many other circumstances that shape what path will work best for us. In no way was I saying that AA was bad. In fact, I listed AA as an option, and a choice that I had tried at the beginning of my journey and it wasn’t my thing. But that’s ok. I had other tools in my toolbox that have kept me over 3.5 years sober. 

I had posted other options that people may use, such as coaching, therapy, podcasts, quit lit, etc. You get the idea. Of course, I knew that someone would eventually come on and defend AA, which is fine; that’s their path and they are passionate about what has worked for them. Then it turned ugly. People who were advocating AA saying that if you don’t do AA, then there’s no way to achieve long term sobriety. That if you’re not in AA, then...

You know those people that I’m talking about, right? Those that say I’m drinking red wine for the antioxidants. Um, you can get your daily dose of antioxidants without ethanol in it. Blueberries, grapefruit, watermelon, broccoli, carrots, and the list goes on are foods that you can eat without a side of cancer-causing carcinogens.

This week the American Cancer Society published NEW GUIDELINES for alcohol. The previous recommendation was if you drink alcoholic beverages, limit to no more than one drink per day for women and 2 per day for men. The new recommendation is to AVOID alcohol altogether.

I think many of us have been waiting for this day. I’m shocked that this happened right now and not a couple of years down the road. Finally, what a lot of us have been saying for years has been brought to light, and it’s a great feeling to be validated. Below are a few more reasons why these new guidelines are amazing.

1) Isn't it easier to stop or not do something...